Lord thank you for rest, even though I don’t often listen to you. Thank you for healing my body after a month of pain and dehydration. Thank you for the time the girls team had in that Jordan village with a family who resembles my own. You have a sense of humor in that their cat looked and acted exactly like our’s. You taught me about family, as well as gave me hope for my own.
After receiving healing I feel closer to you. I feel some kind of stirring inside of me when I pray for others. This closeness had to come from a place of brokenness, getting to the end of myself and being on my face before you.
I have loved Jordan, despite feeling sick for most of it. But that is what it is to follow you: the physical circumstances may stink, but your joy and your comfort trumps the pain.
At the worship night in Amman I worshiped like I never had before. I was on my face crying the entire time. When I sang a song about freedom I thought of the girl who Andrew connected me with from Iraq, whose family would kill her if they find out she’s a Christian. I thought about how thankful I am to have a network of believers at home. I cried for the people that don’t know you, and I started grieving the people that I had gotten to know and left. When I sing about wanting to see you I mean it, I’m not just singing because I should.
That night the lyrics “open the floodgates of heaven” released tears from my eyes and the song The Great I AM took me back in time. I imagined our last night in the village where we hosted twenty-three women of all ages. We talked, danced, and sketched out how we view God(aka Beauty for Ashes). We ate cheap cheese and pretzels from the village market and we laughed as we tried to talk without a translator.
All in all, we have started to see some really cool things happen as a squad. Andrew prayed to meet someone and minutes later met a girl in a full Burka seeking to convert to Christianity. Our Muslim hostile owners told us about their multiple dreams of Jesus, right after we prayed over them. We have had so many deep conversations about Jesus in a place where it is prohibited to openly do so.
I just want to see you and know you for real God. I’m tired of caring what other people think, and I’m tired of praying with half belief. I want to see and experience your goodness daily…I want to be all in.
