Before I left for Romania I was under the impression that I was good at pacing myself, but it did not take long to realize that I was under a false impression. No longer do I run myself to the ground, but I still do have this tendency to take on everything, and want to be at my best while doing it. We all know that the most sustainable way to run a marathon is at a steady intermediate pace, but I’ve chose to sprint instead.
Contrary to what my pride thinks, I am human and cannot do everything myself. I need to learn how to delegate responsibility, but I honestly don’t even know where to start. This leads me to burn out, which is a vulnerable position for the lies of the enemy. I had a few days in Romania where I was questioning if even know and love God in the first place.
Believing I don’t know God is an obvious lie from the enemy. But I would also be lying to say that I didn’t believe it for a second. But the beautiful thing is that in my weakest times, God has met me the most. When I feel like I can’t and shouldn’t do anything, God has blatantly placed opportunities in front of me. He’s showing me that my weakness is literally the point of the gospel.
One of these opportunities is when Jacken, Alice and I were walking to get some lunch. We were stopped by a women with a 3 year old child; you could tell they were homeless by the look of their clothes. She asked us to help her buy some food, so Alice handed the little girl her sandwich without thinking. We continued walking around with the woman and her child for about an hour, eventually finding ourselves on the floor of a beautiful Orthodox Church. There we sat: me embracing the crying woman in my arms, Alice sitting next to me loving on the little girl, and Jacken sitting across from us google translating what I spoke. In that moment not only did we get to share the good news of the gospel with her, but we got to share the physical love and care of the Father by simply being there.
This moment will forever be engrained in my memory. A beautiful, yet heartbreaking, moment. Who knows how long it had been since someone had cared for this woman. Who knows how long it has been since she had been touched. In a way, I felt so helpless that I couldn’t offer her a place to stay or a consistent source of food. But I offered her the only real thing I have, and I have to believe that it is more than enough to sustain her.
I never could have planned this moment, and it easily could have been overlooked if I followed my own tasks. We could have kept walking, we could have just handed her money and moved on. But we chose to say yes to what God had placed in front of us. What God is doing is so much better than my own plans, and so often do I run around doing what I think is best. But I’m slowly learning to stop and follow his lead, trusting that in my weaknesses he is strong.
